bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
BRING THE BAGELS
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
