You can't special order awesome
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
