I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
