bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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