I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
