hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize