I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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