sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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