Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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