What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
