I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
