The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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