I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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