He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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