so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
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I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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