That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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