While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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