Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
