does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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