Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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