Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
