he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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