my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
