Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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