My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
