FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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