you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I need to calm my uterus...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
