If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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