i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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