that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
