just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
