Even the bartender felt bad for me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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