filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize