the condom got lost in my hair
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
