she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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