what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
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I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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