So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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