maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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