ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
