i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
