He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
