Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
