the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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