He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
