so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you traded sex for a burrito?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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