McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
