oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
