final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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