fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Screwed.edu
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
