I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
