I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
