yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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