i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
