At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
