It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
