I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Randomize