My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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