its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
did i walk over a car last night?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
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i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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