I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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