I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
