i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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