the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have fence marks all over my body
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
