dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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