After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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