She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
