1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
