Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
