I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
