I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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