I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
