Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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