I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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